| By the time the 80s hit, Sir Niles had over-indulged himself so much that he was barely able to leave the protected fortress of body guards, yes-men and reinactment society scum that had become his inner sanctum. Although he was mentor to Malcolm McClaren (the man behind Sex Pistols, Joy Division and New Order), he was largely out of touch with the pop scene that was quickly overtaking the relics of Sir Niles’ heyday. Considered by many an aging dinosaur of days gone by, and with his funds tied up in a massive legal defense for his partner Diego, Sir Niles struggled to maintain his lifestyle. Eventually, after nearly 20 years on the top, Sir Niles was forced by court order to file for bankruptcy, sell his collection of erotic crochet toilet seat covers and check himself into the Betty Ford Center. |
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| Little is known of Sir Niles’ life after this point. Upon completing rehab, Sir Niles spent some time in India formalizing his study of Kundalini Yoga. Upon returning to England, Sinclair moved back to Scrompshire and managed the local community theater troupe “The Scromping Lads and Lasses.” At some point he reconnected with his estranged parents, who had nearly lost the family fortune with the invention of the Sinclair Black Watch (a cheap plastic digital watch sold in kit form for 17 pounds sterling) and the Sinclair Wrist Calculator (a bulky predecessor of the calculator watch). During that time Sir Clive invited his son to join the Free Masons, a fraternal organization of which every Sinclair man had been a member for as far back as the Sinclair Family Tree shows. Sir Niles excelled in this environment and eventually became a 33rd degree Mason of the secret order. Outside of this brotherhood, Sir Niles socialized little and was widely considered an eccentric hermit with bizzare eating habits by the townsfolk. |
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It would seem that Sir Niles had all but slipped away into obscurity, but his tale does not end here. Nearly 20 years after a drug-dependent, sex-crazed and disenfranchized Sir Niles left the entertainment business in an eight ball of flames, a chance encounter with two “hobbits” reignited his long dormant passion for music. In the Lords of the Rhymes Sir Niles saw the largest single pool of raw, untapped talent of any fantasy rap group to date. He knew that if he could bring the mad-capped tomfoolery of the Lords’ hip-hop shire mayhem to the world, he would find not only a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, but his own redemption. After hearing the Lords of the Rhymes’ demo tape, seeing them perform their outlandish live show and witnessing first-hand the exuberant mania of the Lords’ elf-girl fans, Sir Niles knew that the next logical step was to introduce the Lords to the internet (which he had previously introduced to Al Gore). Sir Niles then connected the Lords with virtuoso video director Morgan Barnard (AKA C-fin the Crafty), with whom they had an uncanny artistic repore. Sir Niles then scoured the globe to find the legendary beatboxer Gollum to join the Lords' video and character by character the extended Lords family was built. Where will Sir Niles take the Lords next? No one can say for sure, but think Broadway. Think hip-hopera on ice skates. Think deep sea Lords of the Rhymes theme park with characters wearing water soluble costumes. The future belongs to hobbits, and Sir Niles will be the man behind the curtain. |
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